If i owned a midget lyrics

Artist  : Benefit 
Song : If i owned a midget
 
(intro)
I picked up this midget you know he's very very
well dressed
Italian suit good looking with a beautiful tall
blond
Is it a- a lady midget
No the guy was a midget the blond was a lady
Oh the- I get it
Those midgets are funny hahaha Sometimes I'd like
to hold a midget
I mean they're funny
They always wanna sit in the front seat- Word

(verse 1)
Life's got me mad
But if I had a midget I'd be glad
To watch him jump around on my nintendo powerpad
He'd have a big head short legs and long torso
The name that I give my pet midget is little
Gordo
I'd teach him tricks like backflips and side
kicks
When company came over he'd perform and get tips
While I'm eatin at night, in the kitchen he'd be
able
To get the food scraps that I threw under the
table
If my midget was ever mad and acted enraged
Then I'd take him to the bathroom and put him in
his cage
But If he kept acting up and really made me sick
I'd hang him upside down and poke him with a
stick
Little Gordo would be good most of the time
though
He'd like to wear a helmet and run around yelling
Kaiyo
I'd take him for walks in the park on the
weekends
And if he saw other midgets he'd say Can we be
friends
He'd only need a 3 foot coffin when he was dead
And he'd be in the guiness book for the world's
biggest head
What a funny little fellow, but don't call him a
shrimp
Or he'll attack your leg cause Gordos a tough
gimp
He'd have a pogo ball that he'd bounce on for
hours
And dirty little fathead Gordo would'nt take
showers
When Halloween came, he wouldn't be a chump
 
Gettin all the candy goin round as a tree stump

(scratching/chorus)
Midget is a midget
Midget Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi-Midget
Midget is a midget
Hey you guys- Word
Midget is a midget
Midget Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi-Midget
Midget (wo-wo-wo-wo-word) is a midget
Like a midget in a urinal, I was gonna have to
stay on my toes

(verse 2)
Sometimes my friends would chase Gordo with a gun
It be fun
Because midgets wobble when they run
They're so close to the ground and so easy to
kick
They're so slow in the head and so easy to trick
Gordo could do somersaults his special thing
At the fair I would make him enter mudwrestling
Sometimes he'd wear stilts and pretend to be tall
Then I'd kick him over- and then i'd laugh at him
fall
Silly little Gordo, just be yourself
I'd put wood on his head, and he'd just be a
shelf
He'd do funny little dances but that's irrelevant
At the beach Gordo got attacked by pelicans
He had a girlfriend once, but she was an ogre
It didn't last long cause he couldn't fuck her
sober
Gordo had a problem, Gordo wet the bed
so i'd make him wear diapers on his ass and his
head
He'd have to clean up his own cage himself
And if he lost a little weight he'd be a keebler
elf
He'd really be something, my mangled little
munchkin
Plus his head would be larger then any big
pumpkin
This perfect little fool would make a perfect
footstool
Sometimes I'd kick him in his head and say 'bitch
be cool'
I'd have a great life, I'd be happy I know
If I only owned a little pet midget named Gordo
(scratching/chorus)