Master Of The House lyrics

Artist  : Les Miserables 
Song : Master Of The House
 


DRINKER THREE
Come on you old
pest

DRINKER TWO
Fetch a bottle of your
best

DRINKER ONE
What's the nectar of
the day?

(Thenardier enters with a flask
of wine)

THENARDIER
Here, try this
lot
Guaranteed to hit the spot
Or I'm not
Thenardier

DRINKERS
Gissa glass a
rum
Landlord, over
here!

THENARDIER
Right away, you scum
(to himself)
Right away, m'sieur (to
customer)

DINER ONE
God this place has
gone to hell

DINER TWO
So you tell me
every year

DRINKER SIX
Mine host
Thenardier
He was there so they say,
At the
field of Waterloo

DRINKER SEVEN
Got
there, it's true
When the fight was all
through

DRINKER ONE
But he knew just
what to do
Crawling through the mud
So I've
heard it said
Picking through the pockets
Of
the English dead

DRINKER EIGHT
He made a
tidy score
From the spoils of
war

THENARDIER
My band of soaks
My
den of dissolutes
My dirty jokes, my always
pissed as newts.
My sons of whores
Spent
their lives in my inn
Homing pigeons homing
in
They fly through my doors
And their
money's as good as yours

DINER
ONE
Ain't got a clue
What he put in this
stew
Must have scraped it off the
street

DINER TWO
God what a
wine!
Chateau Neuf de Turpentine
Must have
pressed it with his
feet

DRINKERS
Landlord over
here!
Where's the bloody man?
One more for
the road!
Thenardier, one more slug o'
gin.

GIRL
Just one more, or my old man
is gonna do me in.

(Thenardier greets a
new customer)

THENARDIER
Welcome,
M'sieur
Sit yourself down
And meet the
best
Innkeeper in town
As for the
rest,
All of 'em crooks
Rooking their
guests
And cooking the books.
Seldom do you
see
Honest men like me
A gent of good
intent
Who's content to be

Master of
the house
Doling out the charm
Ready with a
handshake
And an open palm
Tells a saucy
tale
Makes a little stir
Customers
appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a
favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But
nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a
little price!

Master of the
house
Keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve
'em
Of a sou or two
Watering the
wine
Making up the weight
Pickin' up their
knick-knacks
When they can't see
straight
Everybody loves a
landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do
whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in
the end!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Master of
the house
Quick to catch yer eye
Never
wants a passerby
To pass him by
Servant to
the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter,
philosopher,
And lifelong mate!
Everybody's
boon companion
Everybody's
chaperone

THENARDIER
But lock up your
valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the
bone!

(To another new
customer)

THENARDIER
Enter
M'sieur
Lay down your load
Unlace your
boots
And rest from the road

(Taking
his bag)

This weighs a ton
Travel's a
curse
But here we strive
To lighten your
purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat
is fried
And nothing's overlooked
Till I'm
satisfied...

Food beyond compare
Food
beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer
And
pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse
Liver
of a cat
Filling up the sausages
With this
and that

Residents are more than
welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable
charges
Plus some little extras on the
side!

Charge 'em for the lice
Extra for
the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror
twice
Here a little slice
There a little
cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window
shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There
are a lot of tricks he knows
How it all
increases
All those bits and pieces
Jesus!
It's amazing how it grows!

THENARDIER AND
CHORUS
Master of the house
Quick to catch
yer eye
Never wants a passerby
To pass him
by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the
great
Comforter, philosopher,
And lifelong
mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em
everything he's got

THENARDIER
Dirty
bunch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little
lot!

MME. THENARDIER
I used to
dream
That I would meet a prince
But God
Almighty,
Have you seen what's happened
since?
`Master of the house?'
Isn't worth
me spit!
`Comforter, philosopher'
- and
lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain
Regular
Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But
there's not much there
What a cruel trick of
nature
Landed me with such a louse
God
knows how I've lasted
Living with this bastard
in the house!


THENARDIER &
CHORUS
Master of the house.

MME.
THENARDIER
Master and a
half!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Comforter,
philosopher

MME. THENARDIER
Ah, don't
make me laugh!

THENARDIER &
CHORUS
Servant to the poor. Butler to the
great.

MME. THENARDIER
Hypocrite and
toady and inebriate!

THENARDIER &
CHORUS
Everybody bless the
landlord!
Everybody bless his
spouse!

THENARDIER
Everybody raise a
glass

MME. THENARDIER
Raise it up the
master's arse.

ALL
Everybody raise a
glass to the master of the house!