Asshole lyrics

Artist  : Denis Leary 
Song : Asshole



 Send "Asshole" Ringtone to your Cell 

 

[Spoken]
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about
the American Dream. About me. About you. The way
our American hearts beat down in the bottom of
our chests. About the special
feeling we get
in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the
cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area. Maybe in
the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in
the colon,
we don't know.

I'm just a
regular Joe with a regular job
I'm your
average white suburbanite slob
I like football
and porno and books about war
I've got an
average house with a nic hardwood floor
My
wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on
my table, and a cuban cigar

But sometimes
that just ain't enough to keep a man like me
interested
(Oh no) No Way (Uh-uh)
No, I've
gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's
expense
(Oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah

I drive really slow in the
ultrafast lane
While people behind me are
going insane

I'm an asshole (He's an
asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's
an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public
toilets and piss on the seat
I walk around in
the summertime saying, "How about this
heat?"

I'm an asshole (He's an asshole,
what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the
world's biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park
in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole (He's
an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(He's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I
shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and
raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right
when they tell me I'm
wrong

Naaaah!

I'm an asshole (He's
an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(He's the world's biggest
asshole)

[Spoken]
You know what I'm
gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El
Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub
caps and all leather cow interior and big
brown
baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And
I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph
getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter
pounder cheese burgers from
McDonald's in the
old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam
containers and when I'm done sucking down those
grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with
the
American flag and then I'm gonna toss the
styrofoam container right out the side and there
ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it.
YOu know why? Because
we got the bombs, that's
why.

[Spoken]
Two words. Nuclear
fucking weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania
- they can have all the Democracy they want. They
can have a big democracy cake-walk
right
through the middle of Tiananmen square and it
won't make a lick of difference because we've got
the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's
frozen. And as
soon as we find the cure for
cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and he's
gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have
you ever taken a cold shower? Well
multiple
that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off
the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and
John Cassavetes...
(Hey)
and Lee
Marvin
(Hey)
and Sam
Pekinpah
(Hey)
And a case of Whiskey and
drive down to Texas...
(Hey, you know you
really are an asshole)
Why don't you just
shut-up and sing the song pal!

I'm an
asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm
an asshole (He's the world's biggest
asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody!
A-S-S-H-O-L-E

[Barking]
Arf Arf Arf Arf
Arf Arf Arf
Fung achng tum a fung tum a fling
chum
Oooh Oooh

[Spoken]
I'm an
asshole and proud of it!